So, here I am once more sitting in Starbucks an hour and a half before my shift, drinking coffee, thinking and blogging. I love starting my days like this. No rush. Just time to be.
My coffee isn't all thy great today but it's something and that puts a smile on my face.
Last night, at work, I was so tired that I thought it woul be hilarious to print up a black recept about two feet long and write "hello" on it in the smallest possible printing. Then I put it in Kyles apron and laughed like a moron. As much fun as it was, I'm not really feeling down for a lack of sleep stupor today. I just feel like being on top of my game today.

The word "game" reminded me that I missed Game of Thrones and other day. I was pretty upset by it.... Sigh.

Also, I ahve noticed that a certain playlist has taken over my week. It's awesome. Good music puts me in a great mood.
Read my mind - The Killers
Hippopipolla - Sigur Ros
Nowhere with you - Jole Plaskett
Kiss the girl - The little mirmaid
Anthems for a seventeen yearold girl - BBS
O'children - Nick Cave
12:59 lullaby - Bedouin Soundclash
Adagio for Tron - Daft Punk
Space Oddity - David Bowie

And those are just a few song Rhys I haven't been able to atop listening too lately. It makes me week awesome.

Ian and I had our first arugment the other day. Nothing serious but it wad about things that needed to be sorted out. I'm 21 and he's barely 18 an a lot of the time I feel like he's focused too much on me. I guess I just think that 18 is the big "learning about yourself" age and I don't want to be in his way saying "forget about tour needs. Pay attention to me".
He told me that he understood what I was trying to say. I also voiced my concern about me taking him away from his friends. I know that Friends are rather important and his ex used to isolate him from them, or so I've heard, and I don't want that to be me. He told me that it was okay, because they like me and that it was nice to jot feel like he was dragging around a troll that everyone hated. That made me smile.
So, he's sure that having me around will help him a lot and I hope so. I hate to admit it, nut I do have a complex for fixing people. It makes me feel good.
Content sigh.

Also trying to quit smoking. I've only been smoking for a year and already I think it's time to slow it down. I usuall have about 3-4 a day but still. I I can get down to one aday or even one a week, I would be so proud of myself!

So that wraps that up. Thanks for Reading. I'm off to work now! Je ne!

... And I'm not your "baby"....

Whyvare guys the way they are? Do they honestly think that their ridiculous pick up lines will work? Have they ever in the past?
Why can guys be such creeps?
Not to say that girls can't be creeps, but every girl I have had come up to me and try to pick me up have been really sweet about it.
Here are some famous lines I had tossed at me at work:
"so, you like games, eh? You're pretty sexy for a nerd. So you have the fcebook?"
... No word of lie... That's how it went. It ended with Nicole and I laughing in his face and telling him to have a great night.
"you're a Zelda girl!?!? That's AWESOME!" (trust me... This one started good... and then...) "here's my number.... Wanna go for drinks later?"
my answer...."uh....I'm already going for drinks with friends from here....*runs to Ian* IM GOING FOR DRINKS WITH YOU!!!!!"
... Okay, so that guy was rather sweet but then he somehow found me an added me on fb.... I don't use my real name on fb....
A few days later... His buddy came in.... And asked me out. As if it was a battle of the fittest and I was the prize.
Whut.....?
Then... There was the guy who was high as a fuxking kite looking me up and down, very interested with my upper torso, licking his lips an saying, "I'd LOVE to get to know you better..."
I think that one made me puke a bit.

After that last fail dude came in, I was rattled and my manager told me how to deal and told me that I could politely tell them off if it ever happened again. Today I had the lovely chance to do just that.
These two guys came in and where looking at some watches we sell. I came over and told them how cool them watches are and how I have one. I flashed them my wrist and a smile and they kept moving closer and closet into my virgin bubble(what I call personal space....it was invaded) and one of them leaned in real close and said, "oh that watch is pky, but I just got myself a g shock, baby, look at that baby!" and he flashed me the most disgusting looking price of shiny plastic I've ever seen. Caught between laughing and stating the hideousness of this thing the only words I could muster were, "Im NOT your baby. Feel free to look around. If you have any questions don't forget to ask." and I walked away.

What.
Why....
IM NOT YOUR FUCKING BABY!!! Slipping that word into a coversation with a woman you just met and shared maybe ten words with DOES NOT make her wet and hot or you. Or just creeps her the fuck out if it doesn't piss her off first.

So please, guys, stop it. I don't need it and I'm pretty sure other women if the world don't need it either. That is all.

Can you call in being "female"...?

Ya know what is AWESOME about being a woman? Many things. We get the hair, the makeup, the cutesy shoes, the jewelry, the little bags, the BIG bags, the tights, the lace bras, the cute knickers, the high heels, the boots, the nice smelling stuff, the lotion, the chocolate, the flowers, the false eyelashes, the manicures,  the lippy, and pretty much everything that is fun, frilly and cute.
What we also get though are the razor burn on our legs and other sensitive areas, the mood swings and lovely pregnancy worries every now and then.
One of the most horrible things I find about birth control is also one of the most amazing things about it, and the reason I was put on it when I was fifteen. The cycling of your monthly insanity.
It cycles the period so that it WILL happen every Twenty-eight days or so, and that all fine and dandy, but if you happen to run out, or something happens and you're unable to take the daily pill for a few days, that wonderful scheduled bleeding will decide that it may want to wait a little, make you sweat and go crazy.
This is what happened to me, and holy fuck. I hated life for two days.
Stressing and stressing about the problem didn't make me feel any better because I realized that stress can also make a period run late, so I'd try to relax and be not-stressed but I'd feel it even more.
After two days of "OH MY GOD, WHERE IS THE BLOOD!?!?!?!", the moment it happened I was the happiest woman ever. Running to the loo and jumping around for about five minutes, with a ridiculous smile on my face was short lived when it dawned on me that I was wearing my cutesy knickers. At that moment, I glared down at my crotch area and said, "...Fuck off..."
So, now I'm happy that I'm bleeding, because it means that I'm not "with child" but now I have to worry about the cramps, cravings, mood swings, and most terrible.... the ruined knickers =(
Also!
The sickness that comes hand in hand with the pain. oh the PAAAAIN!!
It's on the first or second day when I just want to sit around and eat. I don't want to move.... much..... let alone go to work. Unfortunately, today, I have to go to work.
I love my job, and by love I mean, I FUCKING love my job, but right now, when I'm bleeding and in pain the last thing I want to do is have to deal with children. Children yelling. Children being spoiled. Children asking questions.
Sometimes I feel crazy.... but from what I hear, being irritable is normal during this time.... yes?
Sometimes I feel like I want to pick up said child and eat it.
Sometimes I enjoy daydreaming about punching people in the face.
.....
But I'm also hormonal and bleeding. My logic is perfect.


It's wonderful being a woman. We get all the nice things. We also get bipolar tendencies and ruined knickers. Whatever. Ya know, it sucks, but we get used to it, and some of us are lucky enough to have an amazing significant other to help us through this insane time. Sometimes they cuddle with us while we bitch and cry, and sometimes they just leave us alone when we want to be alone.
I am lucky enough to have the man who brings me chocolate and cosmo and let me whine and be angry for five days of the month without passing judgement. It is indeed wonderful.


So, now I'm off to work. Maybe if I listen to some upbeat music and have some coffee, I won't want o punch people and eat children. Maybe I can pull off "normal" today.

Why are you so awesome right now!!??

Hi there, life. Why are you so awesome?
Did I do something right? Am I being repaid for all the horrible shit people have put me through? Is it good karma?
I don't know. I'm not complaining. I'm just curious. It's nice. I like it =)

ON THAT NOTE! OH HAI!

So it is 11 am on Tuesday and it's the earliest I have been able to get Ian out of bed and RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT I CAN HEAR HIM ON THE PHONE SETTING UP A MEETING FOR UNI!!!!!

..... this is BIG, reader.... very big....

As I was saying, we got out of bed relatively early so that he could have ALL day to do this. And it looks like it's all working out. I'm hoping.
We went for a long, long walk last night and talked. He talked about what was on his mind and I talked about what was on mine, then I listened. I told him that we would do this together, because maybe having someone who wasn't an authority figure push him would be what he needed to get his ass moving. I'm hoping that's what he needed and I'm sure the smacking and pinching him in the arm helped.
And just now, he became frustrated because he didn't know what his major is.... It tells him on his letter. Ahhhh this is FUN! I never knew how much FUN this could be.
*shakes head*
I wonder if every new Uni student had these funny little mess ups while getting everything together.  Being put on hold, growing confused at all the questions, open mouth sobbing into their tea. It's gotta me normal... right?

So now he's on hold... again.... and if nothing happens within 30 minutes, I'm dragging his ass down to the school in person. We can do this.

So I guess today is going to be a LONG day..... coffee - Triple CHECK!!!. Trance/rave music - ..... cheeeeck..? Ah yes! CHECK! and Cigarettes - Double CHECK!
I CAN DO IT!

I like to say that I live like Gerard.... I drink a lot of fucking coffee and smoke a lot of fucking cigarettes. It gets me through.

Now I'm rambling. WHAAAAAAAAAAAT.
... Ian got school stuff worked out... now we have time to do other.... stuff? Maybe I can force him to go outside again =D I like outside.

And that, my readers, was the rambling of a over caffeinated  little girl..... ugh.


So onto OTHER news, Portal 2, New Doctor Who season and A Dance of Dragons.
WHO'S EXCITED FOR ANY OF THOSE!?!?

My thoughts about "A Dance of Dragons" sounds a little something like this:
"FuckdamnitgoddamnassholefuckshittingarseheadedholefuckityfuckFUCK.... About time asshole..."
Yes, I am aware of the amounts of swearing in that thought, but Seriously! Like 6 years later he's all like "Oh yes, A Dance of Dragons is coming out this summer. Now you can finally see what happens to Dany and Jon and the Whore Queen and ya know, THE IRON THRONE. Sorry about that gais."
.... to which I say..... FUCK YOUR SHIT! I EAT YOUR BABIES! OM NOM NOM NOM!!

But it has given me something to look forward to in the world of literature. I'm so sick of the teeny boper teenage vampire romance bullshit that people are calling literature these days and I know the minute I see  A Dance of Dragons on the shelf, I will probably die with excitement for GOOD writing.
I am really considering going to the midnight release. I'd probably see my ex..... ... ...... WORTH IT.
That is all.


So now, Doctor Who? Yes please? Yes fucking please. I'm super excited for this but like with every new season I'm slightly annoyed too. Only because I was beat up by kids for watching Doctor Who when I was younger. Seriously, I wanted to be Ace at one point and The 5th Doctor was my boyfriend. Yeeeeah I know. I had dreams. But they were awesome.
I love how it was become more known to people and how awesome the show quality has become, but I don't like it when I encounter people who won't even consider watching the original seasons with me =(
Still, excited.

And Portal 2. Bitch is going back for her fucking cake. GLaDOS is still a hoe. End of story.
FUN!


So now, my ranting has pretty much come to an end... I can hear Beatles in the kitchen, and my coffee is running low. I've been here for so long, I feel bad.
Maybe I go now.

Ja ne.

It was beautiful outside today. Warm but not too hot, cool but not too cool and Graham and I actually hung out. Just him and me. We walked and talked and talked and walked. I smoked cigarettes and he told me I smoke a lot.
The boy is complex. He has a lot to him, just like his brother and just like his brother, he keeps a lot to himself. We have known each other for just over three months now and his is he first time he's really opened up to me.
It was nice.

So we walked and walked and walked until we found a path leading tithe river. It was steep and muddy and did we venture down that steep and muddy path? Yeah we did. Would you ever think we'd do anything else? Pffft.

So, after the muddy slide down the path, we found our place along the ice. Throwing rocks happened. Laughter happened. Building a makeshift bench out of a door happened. And surprisingly, I remembered what it is I like to do. I don't like shopping(..just a bit) or hanging out at a mall. I like walking, good conversation, cigarettes and good times. Pretty muh, just doing "nothing". Graham and I sat and talked for hours about everyhing an anything and I realised that I really missed doing things like that. Sure hanging out with people is awesome and it's great but it alway ends in "wanna go to the pub?" or "let's go chill at sk and so's place!" which, sometimes, I just don't want to do. Today was pretty much my perfect day. Hanging out with an awesome dude, just talking, looking out at the frozen river and making awesome plans. The only things that could have made it better were: coffee in my hand(to go with my cigarettes of course), art stuff and my camera. But now I know for next time.

Ya know, if someone were to come up to me when I was 18 or so and ask if I imagined myself doing something like this in the future I'd say hell no, because I'd would still be with Matt and if I were still with him now, my sense of selfworth would probably be destroyed and therefore I would be doing nothing unless he told me too... Ugh whatever! Shitty relationships are shitty. I may actually write about that later.

Who knew that this is where I would end up? Feeling loved by my significant other and his family? It's something I have never felt so in a way, I'm still getting used to it. It's a nice feeling.

I think I've needed something like this for a while. A healthy relationship. Shhh it is great. And now, I'm doing this while Ian is playing Twilight Princess. It's chill. I'm down. Also he kinda sucks but maybe that's just because I'm the Zelda master. Who knows.

So, I bid farewell for now reader. I am done.


Also, the weather is getting better. So is my life...? Such a good way to start off spring

so there I was, standing in a sea of sweaty bodies gazing up at the man that is my God. I couldn't breathe and panicing, I tore my eyes away from him. When I loopked back at him, he was smiling. At me. It was the fifth time that night an it was then I knew, I was done.

Three hours prior, Hachi and I walked into Mac Hall and we saw them. The fans. The hardcore fan. The old school fans. The teeny boppers wearin their partypoison masks and talking about how long they've loved the band (even though they were about six when Three Cheers came out... At least they're trying, I guess.)
I was so happy to be there. Surrounded by people 20 and older who share the same love for My Chem as Hachi and I do. There was no judging, just young adult spending time together.

When the first opening band came on, Hachi, Chantel and some newly made friends stood beside me and we watched with aching hearts as the band butchered our ear with their bad singing, the unskilled guitar player and the horrible Kanas themed songs. I died a bit.

So, when Neon Trees came on stage. It was aomethig new. Something fun. And the lead singing scared Hachi( honestly, she thinks he's going to tear out her heart and eat it). All and all, a decent band to watch. The vocalist kept the energy alive, jumping around like a moron always makes the audiance happy. And being tres good looking really helps. I enjoyed.

Then. It was time for My Chemical Romance. The band that I have loved since the tender age of fourteen before Gerard became recognized for his bullet proff vest and his red eye shadow. Before emo ever became a phase.
And there he was. My hero just standing there in the shirt that looked like it was a last minute purchase from stitches, with is big ellis six on the left breast. It was a ridiculous shirt. So very ricidulous. Honestly.
Enough about the shirt.
...but seriously, it was really bad.

BUT! There he was. Red hair. Dark eyes. Hideous shirt. And he was beautiful. Youthful and full of energy. This was my fiest time ever seeing my hero in person.
I just stood there, unmoving, watching him and thats when I noticed his face, looking out at all the fans, dying for him to just glance in heir general direction ad for a moment, my hero looked over whelmed and maybe even a bit nervous. I just stood there, silentlypleading that he will see me. But I didn't jump. Didn't yell or scream. Then he looked down and right at me. The girl with the steampunk goggles, in the sea of scene kids. He didn't look away, he just kept staring until the rift for Na Na Na started to fill the hall.
He smiled at me then, and he no longer looked nervous. He looked excited, pumped and ready to go.
So he started to sing. He kepted looking down at the girl with the goggles and smiling. I lasted about four songs and then they pulled me out and as they did so, he smiled at me again and in my stupor, I waved as security place my feet back on the floor (unfortunately, two of he security guards didn't realize I was having a panic attack and I was marked or surfing. They were corrected though and sat me with he paramedic for a while before she told me to go have a cigarette and some water.

After twenty minutes or so I was sitting outside with three othergirls, joking about sex, music and Gerard Butler and it settled in. My night was perfect. I saw him. He saw me. Then I swooned. In my head of course.
It made me laugh and the rest if the night was made.

Saw some people I didn't need o see but I didn't care, because they were talking about how they wanted to see Gerard and I got to see him. He saw me too. And I also saw him sneak out behind Mikey. It was a beautiful.

A beautiful night and I thank Hachi for it. I finally got the chance to see my hero. His energy, his excitment. When I see myself singing on stage, it's him that I want to be. He is everything I want to be.

Maiden Voyage

Open your eyes. What do you see? Listen carefully. What do you hear?
I hear a harmonious chorus sounding all around me. I blink and I'm standing in a field, surounded by flowers. Golden yellow, so beautiful that the sun would feel envious of their warm radiating colour. The air smells sweet. It smells of new hope, new beginings and flowers. It's perfect.

A wind picks up. I feel it pass through the fabric of my clothing, cool and embracing. Standing on my toes, I'm desperate to feel more. It feels like the sky. I reah my hands up, up, up. I want to go up. I want to be on the sky.
I close my eyes.
And when I open them, I see and endless horizon before me. I feel the hardness of a wooden deck below my feet. I hear the wind blowing in the canvas sails. The propellors cutting through the clouds. The smell of the clockworks grinding and the steam rising. I am in the sky.
When I look down at my attire, I see a uniform. I see a pistol and boots. I'm ready to go.
No, wait. Something is missing. My eyes search but I cannot figure it out. Then it clicks.
"Where is my sister? I do not see her and I cannot leave without her."
there are foot steps and I turn.
She is here. She is with me, smiling at me with her laughing eyes. She is here. Everything is going to be okay.
I rush to her. I grab her hand. I tell her we have to go now, it's time for an adventure and I want her to be with me. I look at her face, but her eyes are no longer laughing. Her face has fallen.
What is wrong?
Have I done something wrong?
"I cannot come with you, pushka."
did I do something bad?
"You have to go on your own now."
What is she saying?
I try to reason. To make her see.
"You have always been here."
She turns.
What is she walking away from me?
I scream. She stops. It always works.
She's looking at me once more.
"This is not my adventure. I used to be here, but no more. I have been with you, bur I haven't been here for a very long time."
she points to the horizon. To the end of the world.
"Im there. I will always be there," she says, "and this is your start. Your maiden voyage. One day you will make it there. Live here an meet me there."
"How do I know that you will be there?"
"Every night, when the dark is just starting to fall, I will set out a light for you and it will burn until the sun breaks the night with her face. It will be the first light you see in the night an the last ad it's just for you. Now go."
she pushes me and I begin to fall back.

A land. The hard deck cracks my back uncomfortably.
"You okay there, short stack?"
The captain is looking at me and it is dark. The sun is going to sleep and the purple sky is turning indigo.
Then I see it.
On the horizon. A bright star begins to shine and I feel myself being pulled towards it.
"The evening star is out. You like stars? Just like your sister."
I look at him and say, "That is Susan. She has lighten a light, letting me know she is there and when I'm done here, I too will be there."
laughter fills my ears. Not hard or cutting but warm and comforting.
"Quite an imagination on you, Claire, just like Susan. I can believe it's been ten years since she went down with her ship. How old are you now? Feels like I have known you forever"
A smile crawls onto my face. Pain grips my heart. Tears fill my eyes. I do not look away from the light and an answer slips past my lips.

"Sixteen and this is my maiden voyage"

And at about midday...

It's about midday for me now and after a shower and some food in my system, I find myself a little easier to talk to and be around. Now I'm sitting once more, next to the young man , watching and listening To him play Arkham. My mood is better, my hair is clean and I have not had a cigarette craving in a while. I'm feeling pretty glorious.
And now I'm thinking about how down I have been lately. Thinking too much about what wrong I feel like I have done somehow, but I think I'm over it for now. I have a roof over my head, a caring lover and a most wonderful job. I'm also thinking about something I heard.
You thought you were so mature, didn't you? Thinking that you were so much better because you knew what you wanted for yourself. From what I hear, you have no freaking idea do you? You're just a lost, scared, messed up little girl with too many problems to count.
And with that out, I had a thought. I have to work tonight. It's Monday and as strange as it
sounds, I love Mondays. It's a new week full of the most hilarious, ridiculous bullshit ever.
From customers telling their other girl friends that "like, oh my god. This is totally a real street in London." to which I reply, "actually, It's Diagon Alley". and then they look at me
as if I'm god(I should keep convincing people that Diagon Alley IS a real street in
London...located on the dogdey end. Oh the fun I would have),to the crazy shinangans and
tomfoolery that my coworkers and I comebup with, Mondays are always super fun for me. It is
exciting and silly but I enjoy them.
So, to let everyone into my work day, I have decided to blog every monday about the insanity
that I encounter every day of every week. I hope you are prepared, reader. This will get rather ridiculous.

Over come your obsticles and defend yourself.

The chronicles of a day: the first feeling of the morning.

So tired. Sitting with legs crossed, listening but not quite hearing.
The kettle is boiling. The radio as ambiant. The morning is taking action around me. It's still befor noon, that Still makes it morning, right?
Whatever. Doesn't matter much. Don't care much for the technicalities.
The younge man sits beside me, munching away on some toast and jam whilst he is engrossed in the paper. He doesn't pay me much attention now and I'm alright with that. Morning is not the time to be demanding attention from others. It's the time of waking up. I know that I have no care about anyone other than myself in the morning. I thinknof nothing other than my own comfort, getting my own food, my own tea. I couldn't care less about some one sitting next to me, because in the morning, those first fifteen to thirty minutes of the day are for me. Does that make me a horrible person? Let me wake up for a bit before I start asking questions.

And Snow Scenes.

This is new. A new take on an old habit.  It feels like a taste of what once was a favourite flavour, turned slightly sour. My nose crinkles. My eyes narrow, but still, I decide to do this. Blogging. I wonder how long I can keep it going. How long will I care about it? Who knows. That's the exciting part. Just starting something new, not giving a thought about any of the questions that pass through my mind.
It won't be like my past blogs of "Woe is me", "My life is irritating.", or "My ex is a douche and I want to beat him whilst wearing a popsicle outfit and yelling 'POPSICLE STANDS DO EXIST, YOU ASS!'". It will have all kinds of things. Big or small. Interesting or pointless. If I have something to blog about, you, dear reader, will probably hear all about it. Whether is be my latest rant about my bleeding vagina or a recent "Awwwwwe" moment witnessed between lovers.
It is a way to pass the time when I don't have much to do, I'm hoping that you enjoy what I put into this silly creation. Seriously, who invented blogging? Should we hate them, or love them for giving us all a slightly gratifying way of wasting our time?